You would think I’ve been here for months already, and just working through these days, trying to understand, cope, adjust, make a home. It’s only been like 2 weeks. The hard part is trying to see who else is feeling the way I’m feeling, without letting them know that I’m feeling these things. I look around. Everyone is younger than I am. More bubbly than I am. More excited than I am. More passionate than I am. Am I missing something?
I want to keep telling myself that I will get there. I will keep telling myself that I will get there. A past resident (now “regular” teacher here in Memphis because she’s completed her 4-year commitment) reached out to me to offer advice and to help me work through this time. She told me that my feelings were normal. I was encouraged by the fact that she has completed her requirement but will stay continue to teach here. That says something. It says something that so many people have come before me. This is MTR’s 10th class. Something must be working. There’s a reason that people sign up and there’s a reason that people stay. If they can do it, I should be able to as well.
What if all of those people would have quit after 2 weeks? They wouldn’t be here to validate my feelings and encourage me. With that being said, if I quit, I won’t be able to help the next group of residents that come through these doors.
I’ll understand their concerns, their fears, their apprehensions. I’ll be able to tell them that their feelings are valid and that they too can get to the other side. I’ll be able to tell them that I understand exactly how they feel and where they’re coming from, because here I am.